Toot

In a taxi in Istanbul a year or two back I was impressed by the driver’s light (and more or less constant) touch on the horn. He was able to produce a light toot as a gentle prod, or a savage blast when necessary.

I’ve long wanted a set of horn buttons - a gentle toot to say hi to a friend I’ve spotted, or ‘I’m outside your house’. A klaxon to say ‘Oi, you just cut me up’, a loud but cheery one to say ‘watch out I’m coming round the corner’. 

Now Ineos have done exactly this on their new off-roader, the Grenadier. Brilliant.

But I still want some drum pads on the steering wheel to play along with the radio.

Let me help you

This came with some online shopping I ordered from Marks & Spencer. It says 'Hey, I'm important' twice - once verbally and once visually. But the inside of the leaflet was disappointing - a bureaucratic form in small type.

It's a bit like someone spotting you're in trouble and saying 'I'll help' in a very loud voice, but not actually helping much.

A helpful, on-brand, slightly wacky (in an Innocent smoothie kind of way) headline is almost invariably followed by a spectacular failure to solve the problem. Have you ever noticed that the larger the headline saying 'The small print' the smaller the print actually is?